Saturday, January 11, 2014

9 Years

I feel sick to my stomach.  

It has been a long week around our house.  My dear and precious friend, our 9 year old Saint Bernard has been slowly, but surely, going downhill and fast.  

She hasn't eaten in several days.  For about 3 or more nights she seemed to be "sun downing".  She would sleep through the day and then roam restlessly all through the night not really knowing where she was going or why.  Plus, her back legs just are not working right.  

Today she walked from our bedroom to the front door and hit every single thing on her left side as she went along.  I watch her struggle to walk and know it is inevitable that her life is soon going to end.  But it breaks my heart.  She is a most dear friend to me.  We've spent most every minute together since we brought her home.  Where I go, she goes.  

That was true quite literally when she was new and a puppy we couldn't leave alone in the house for hours on end.  We took her everywhere we went when she was a pup.  That made her love going in the car with us.  Her sadness at not going with us always has made me sad too.  

The look on her face when we leave her in the garage if we are going to be gone for many hours cuts me to the core.

I fear there are no more car rides in her future.  If we need to call our sweet vet Erica to put her down it will have to be a house call.  

And that will mean not seeing her romp out of the garage to greet me every single time I return home.  No matter how old she has gotten her excitement at my return has been ever exuberant. 

  That hasn't been happening lately because we are not leaving her outside in the garage anymore.  We go away in shifts so that we don't have to worry that she may wander away, lost in her inability to know where she is going.  It has been so cold that many nights I feared if she wanted to go out in the middle of the night to potty that I might not see her return to the door.  But she has so far.

Today we realized that she hasn't eaten any real food for several days.  She goes outside and licks the snow for a long time.  She drinks water a little.  A little while ago our postman came to the door with a package and made note to us that it seemed as though she had made a mess of herself and indeed she had.  

She is lying in front of the front door which she often does.  Holding down the fort.  Protecting her loved ones.  It is thankfully much warmer today and I'm sure the sunshine feels good to her.  

My heart is aching at the thought of losing her and yet I know it will be soon.  It is hard to say goodbye after 9 years of loving a friend.

I feel sick to my stomach.


  1. I feel your pain Linda. It was not that long ago that we made the decision for our much loved Casey to go on to a better place. My heart breaks for you.

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  3. So sorry that you've lost a best friend, Linda. I'm sure you'll be glad you've got this blog post to look back on someday. What a gift our pets are to us.