If I'm honest, I really don't recall my children saying those words very often if at all. Maybe growing up in a house full of kids makes you realize that nothing is fair early in life so you know better than to say it. Or maybe I've just blotted it out of my memory in favor of all the good things I remember from my kids' childhoods now that they are mostly all grown up.
As adults we become so jaded and have full knowledge that life truly is, not fair.
Last night Katrina and I left the hospital around 8:00 but we didn't stay in town. We headed home so that we could have a full day here to catch up before Sunday and then going back on Monday.
I cried all the way home.
Adam had a really tough couple of days and nights these past several days. It is torture for me as a mom to watch my child suffer in pain and discomfort on and on with seemingly no end in sight. To have to hold your adult son as someone causes them horrific pain (and yet not really be able to hold him because of all the wires, tubes and dressings) is something I do not wish upon anyone. But we are living it. It's not fair.
My son cried out to me to please don't let them hurt him and to ask how can he take it any longer and my heart cries while my eyes stand strong in order to encourage him to hold on to hope. It's not fair.
I long to have the worst thing in my life be a busy schedule or a lot of work to do. I see pictures of people enjoying the things of summer and I want for that to be my son's face doing fun things instead of spending his days wondering if he can take the pain anymore.
It's not fair.
IT IS NOT FAIR THAT MY SON IS SICK AND SUFFERING.
But it is happening.
This morning as I was looking for something for Jesus to speak to me I was reminded that we have had many answered prayers in this journey. A friend sent me a prayer journal and it brought to mind that we have asked over these many months for friends to pray specifically for things and we have seen answers to those prayers that were so stunning and wonderful. It is easy to forget those things when you are feeling stuck in the rut of pain and suffering.
So it feels like God has prompted me to give you some very specific things to pray for in regards to Adam. He is able. He is powerful. He is merciful. He is healer.
- Please, please pray for them to find a way to get the infection out of him because the way they can do it is so SLOW. Along with this, pray that the tubes could be made more efficient because they leak so badly and it is breaking down his skin.
- Pray for them to find the best, least hurtful way to dress his wounds around his drains so that they don't have to be changed so often. ( Pray request number 1 again)
- Pray for him to be able to sleep and rest during the night.
- Pray that he would be willing to go back to a different pain med that makes him less confused and anxious.
- Pray for his heart, mind and spirit to be encouraged daily by Jesus.
- Pray for complete healing in the areas that need it so that surgery can be done in due time and he could be on the recovery side of this illness.
- For greater wisdom for Adam's doctors to know what is best and right for him and also that they would fully communicate with each other to be moving things along.
I cannot express enough thanks to you who are praying because I know there are virtually hundreds of people praying and that overwhelms my soul.
But we thank you. Your love for us isn't fair, but we are so humbled by it and grateful for it.