Our Very Existance

Today in my devotional book it said (speaking from the voice of Jesus), "Look back on your life, and see how I have helped you through difficult days."

A few days ago I was looking for something in my nightstand.  Though I have cleaned and organized it in the past year, there were still some things that needed to be thrown away as well as some that I will save forever.

  I came across a bunch of things that I have written over the years--my poetry booklet, a journal, "Lambie the puppet" skits I wrote and did at church, the book I wrote after meeting my birth mom, and something else.

It was written during the year that our second born son was dying before our very eyes.  People were so good to us and prayed for us.  But going through a trial like that opens you up to being "viewed", so to speak, by everyone who knows about your situation.

So, since cancer is kind of beating my extended family with a stick these days I thought I would share my thoughts from so many years ago...


These past few months have been a difficult time for our whole family.  The other day I got a picture in my mind of what it has felt like to me.  I was in the midst of my quiet time and in my prayer-like state I said to the Lord, "I feel like our whole family is like a group of wriggling, struggling bugs that are pinned up on a big poster for our whole world to watch as we wriggle through these trials."


Then the revelation hit me.  The "pin" or "nail" holding us to the background was Jesus.


Jesus.


It was my Lord and Savior who was piercing me through and holding me up to be displayed as everyone around watched me struggle to survive.  How could it be that the very One who loves me most would  allow me to suffer so greatly?


Then, I saw it from another angle.


Yes, the nail, the pin, whatever the object that was holding me to the wall was Jesus.  But He was holding me.  I didn't have to hold on myself.  He was doing all the holding for me.  Sure, it hurt to be pierced through and have my insides revealed to everyone around me.  But the nail was one of love and compassion.  Jesus was holding us.


After contemplating this picture in my mind for a few days it struck me what kind of parallel this created. Suddenly, I saw Jesus hanging on the cross writhing in pain and suffering in front of the whole world.


This time the nail was me.  My sin.  It was holding Him there.  I was the one who caused so much suffering for Him.  And yet, He did it willingly, faithfully, lovingly.


How could I complain about the trifle sufferings of this life when the nail holding me together is Jesus?


During that time in my life God gave me the words to a precious "song" that I wrote--the only one I wrote all by myself--and it was based on the very same verse that was a part of my morning devotional today.


"For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28a