This morning I woke up and I was 50 years old. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have been dreading this number for a while now.
For one thing, most of my friends are older than me and I've given them so much ribbing over the years because they were always older than me that I probably deserve any teasing I get.
But, mostly, it is just that it feels like I am moving from one world to another and it is frightening. I like the 40 something world I've been living in and I would be very happy to live there for a long time.
So. This morning. I got up, as I have all summer, earlier than I wanted to and took my daughter to weight training. I sat in the car and slept while she did her thing. We came home and I went back to bed. I figured I was allowed to do what I want on my birthday! I got a phone call from my mom and my daughter crawled into bed with me.
She (my daughter) has games late tonight so she is now sleeping in my bed getting a well deserved nap.
After getting up, I singularly opened the gifts from my mom and my sister and the cards that had come in the mail. Then I sat down to read my devotions for the day.
"Trust Me and don't be afraid, for I am your Strength and Song. Do not let fear dissipate your energy. Instead, invest your energy in trusting Me and sing My Song. The battle for control of your mind is fierce, and years of worry have made you vulnerable to the enemy. Therefore, you need to be vigilant in guarding your thoughts. Do not despise this weakness in yourself, since I am using it to draw you closer to Me. Your constant need for Me creates an intimacy that is well worth the effort. You are not alone in this struggle for your mind. My Spirit living within you is ever ready to help in this striving. Ask Him to control your mind; He will bless you with Life and Peace."
from Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young
One of the Scriptures at the bottom of the page is Isaiah 12:2
"See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid. The LORD GOD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."
God is so good. He knows my heart well and speaks directly to my fears and shortcomings.
Turning 50 means you look at your life and wonder what you have done with it. You wonder, did you teach your children the one thing that mattered to you. You fear you have fallen short. You see that life is so fragile and fleeting and that you don't have as much time as you think to get it right.
Today, I'm going to have to trust Jesus and not my own fears of failure. And tomorrow I'm going to wake up and have to do it all over again. But I know I am in good company. There are so many people who have gone ahead of me on this path that are doing it right.
Thanks, friends, for being such great examples of living!