Dial M for. . . . . . .

Menopause.

There, I said it.    

It took me over a year to figure out what was making me feel like a crazy woman who had lost herself.  But that's it. The thing that has kept me from blogging because I just couldn't write anything because I felt so blah.  And bad.  And angry.  And lost.  And sad. And worthless.  And the list goes on.

Who really knows how long this had been going on because I had a partial hysterectomy YEARS ago and had no idea that the M word was even happening.  To be honest, I find it hard to even write about this now because it seems impossible that I could even be old enough to consider this.  But I am.  You might be.  And that's why I am writing about it.

I've had friends or family that have struggled with postpartum depression and how it made them feel like a stranger to themselves.  But I had NO point of reference for this other thing. When I told my mom that I felt that she had never changed in my mind during that period in her life she joked that maybe she was grouchy all the time.  No, she was not.

This hormone deficiency has made me miserable as well as most of the people that love me and for that I feel so sorry.  But I got help and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

I'm so thankful that I came across a funny article written by a woman who was 40 and experiencing the same symptoms that I was and was told she was entering menopause.  It made me realize that I wasn't just becoming a terrible person and that there was hope for me to feel better.  

So here is what I've learned and what I'll pass on to you in case you might be feeling like I was:

• this can happen at any age
• it apparently can last for 5-10 years (yikes)
• there is pharmacological help
• there are bio-identical hormones that can help
• you need to tell your spouse and your family what you are feeling
• you need to talk to your doctor 
• you need friends who have been there
• life can be better

I'm no expert but I'm just trying to lend a hand if you are struggling like I was struggling.  

So, now I can move on and possibly get back to blogging about fun things again.