Friday, September 18, 2015

How Could I Forget?

Today is kind of a big day in our lives and I almost forgot about it.

Last night while I was flushing Adam's drains very late in the evening he mentioned that today was the day.  So many emotions came rushing back to me.  

It was 17 years ago TODAY that we drove to KU Med and checked him in to get a liver transplant.  This morning I looked at the clock at 9:35 and realized that was about the time all those years ago when we were driving and God just HIT me with the realization that I needed to pray for the donor family right then.  I found out later that it was almost the exact time that they were "procuring the organ". ( Medical speak is so dehumanizing.)

Every other year I have remembered this day and anticipated it's arrival.  I guess my mind is still so numb from the past seven months that it evaded me. I really don't know how it did because every single morning I get up and start a new sheet of paper for the day with the date at the top in order to record all of the meds given and the flushing amounts/drain empties for the doctors.  

Nevertheless, today is the day of so many memories which at times seems so surreal--as if it were someone else experiencing them.  And now we have the events of the past months to add to it which also seem as if someone else has lived them and we are just reaping the exhaustion from it.

I wish I could go and place flowers on the grave of the young woman who gave so much of herself so that others could live normal lives.  Her family's day of rememberance for this time is not the same as it is for us.  I wish I could wrap my arms around her mother and say thank you in person and let her know that someone out there is remembering her daughter today.

We had a conversation last night about many things, Adam and I.  He's having a hard time seeing the good which the rest of us see in these past many months of his suffering but then he is the one who has suffered the most.  I remind him that he had 16 and half years of no problems whatsoever.  I remind him that he is alive. I try to let him know how difficult it was to watch him suffer and go through so many near death instances these past months and yet to have come through it.  But I can't change what he is feeling and that is okay.  I can only pray that God will work him through it in his own heart and show him how loved he is by God and by us.

If you want to read about 17 years ago you can go here and here.

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