Tuesday, September 22, 2009


My daughter doesn't trust me.  She worries that I won't wake her up in time to get to school.  She worries that I won't remember to feed her.  She worries that I won't remember to get her to soccer practice on time or at the right place.  She worries that I won't remember that she wants to invite a friend for a sleepover.

This daughter, the one that I got in an airplane and flew half way around the world to bring home with me, tells me about 200 times a day that she loves me mostly so I will say it back to her. (And if you think I'm exaggerating ask her siblings!)

Some days this lack of trust moves my heart to compassion for her and I remember to constantly reassure her of the fact that she can trust me to take care of her.  I've been doing it for 8 years now.  And for what it is worth I don't think I have ever forgotten her anywhere.  (You can ask my mom what that is all about)

Other days it irritates me to be constantly challenged to prove my love and my trustworthiness to her.  I am her MOTHER after all.

I've been thinking about it this week because it has been convicting me about how I am with God.  I sometimes worry that I won't hear His voice because I'm too busy listening to the radio or spending too much time on the computer.  I worry that I won't get to do something fun that I really want to do because I have to be a mom who puts her kids first. I worry too that He won't feed me (I just like food).  I worry that He will forget about something I need or more importantly something I want. You get the picture.

It has also occurred to me that there are times that I say that I love Jesus just to hopefully hear Him say it back to me.  And yet He tells me all the time in ways that I overlook as just mild disruptions in my day.

And yet God never gets irritated with me for constantly challenging Him to prove His love or His trustworthiness to me.

I want to be the kind of woman who really loves Him no matter what.  I've experienced enough tough times in my life so far that have put Him to the test and He comes through every time with flying colors.  Not always the way I want Him to but He comes through.

Somebody, please hold me accountable and ask me about how I'm doing.  Both with being a patient mommy and with how I'm trusting God.  He is my FATHER after all.

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